Does My Bum Look Big in This? [antikvár]

MY DIARY. IF FOUND PLEASE RETURN TO: Jacqueline M. Pane I'm not saying what the M stands for anyway it's not important. I just use it because it makes my name sound better and more interesting, OK? Address: Flat B, 17 Saint Bartholomews Road, London, NW6. Look, if you're returning this to my home address and it's during the day, I'll be at work, so try the bell for Flat C, Mrs Mellish, the old lady who lives across the hall from me. She's very deaf, but keep trying, she'U definitely be in - she's housebound. If you don't get an answer from her and you can hear Coronation Street then she's got the telly turned up so loud you might as well give up. Anyway, on no account give it to Downstairs Man, the bloke who lives in Flat A, on the ground floor. Even if he's in DO NOT GIVE HIM THIS DIARY, it's got things about him and his loud sex life in it, I'd have to sell my flat if he saw this - so please, please don't give it to him, even as a joke. You could drop it in to my work. The Pellet Corporation, 130 The Strand, London, WC2. But absolutely do not leave it with the Conference Department secretary - New Secretary Sarah, she's far too pleasant and over-confident for my liking. I've got nothing concrete against her yet but she laughed at a joke I made the other day, so there must be something wrong with her. I don't want to see a knowing smirk on her lips as she hands over my lost diary - 'This was dropped off for you, Ms Pane.' Best thing would be if you asked to see the Senior Conference Organiser - that's me. By the way, although my job title says Senior, it isn't as grand as it sounds. There's only three of us in the department and I've been there the longest, 1